There’s nobody I pity more than average Singaporeans:

-They work like a dog for 30 years in soul-sucking office jobs they hate to pay for a $500,000 cramped flat that they don’t even own (just a 99-year sub-leasehold), subject to HDB rules and regulations, random en-bloc sales, and housing racial quotas… That’s after you wait two years for your flat and obediently get married like the PAP tells you to, just to be deluded that you’re a “homeowner” when you’re just a glorified subletter, since the flat is leased by HDB, which in turn leases the land for 999 years from the government of Singapore.

-It’s not like they can escape the bullshit associated with a mortgage by renting either, because rent is so fucking expensive too. My friend lives in Tuas, possibly the most remote spot in Singapore, and his room costs $700/mo, and this is probably the kind of room where you barely have walking space anymore once you dump a queen-sized bed in it. I visited my friend in Toa Payoh in 2008, and it cost $1,200/mo for a tiny bedroom.

-They have to pay $80,000 just for the *permission* to own a car called the COE (price is determined by BIDDING), and for only 10 years.The car itself runs for at least $60,000, which makes Singapore the world’s most expensive place to own a car. This is really sad, because it costs only US$2,000 to own a car here in America. Don’t let me get started on the price of road tax, fuel, parking, and the ever-expensive-and-ubiquitous ERP.

-Every wage-earning Singaporean is forced to participate in a giant ponzi scheme called the CPF, where a certain percentage of every paycheck goes into a quaint little retirement fund… which is virtually inaccessible, even after the already-high age of withdrawal (65), because of this random policy called the minimum sum, which is ever increasing — $161,000 at last count. What is the minimum sum? It’s the amount of funds you must have in your CPF account before you’re even allowed to touch it. Guess what when you’re finally allowed to touch it? MONTHLY PAYOUTS, BITCH, NO LUMP SUM WITHDRAWAL!

-When the males attain the age of 18, in the prime of their lives, they’re all forcibly conscripted into a people’s army not very different from communist countries. Only catch? The duration is two and a half years in practice. Skipping it is grounds for imprisonment, a minimum of 3 years of course, because some Jehovah Witnesses tried that stunt before (prison over National Service). Compulsory imprisonment in Pulau Tekong, anyone? Worst of all, it’s a dumb idea, because it’s useless to be militarily trained without access to GUNS. You want a citizenry capable to thwarting or deterring a foreign invasion? Try the Second Amendment.

-The government doesn’t give a shit about the plight of Singaporeans. Foreigners are brought in to “foster competition” in schools and in the workplace, while Singaporeans are told to shape up or ship out. More scholarships are granted to foreigners than Singaporeans each year, this is a fact I can guarantee. And the influx of “foreign talents” isn’t stopping anytime soon. The saddest thing is that the real talents simply see Singapore as a stepping stone to a Western country, duh. They eat for free, and they leave. Why would anyone talented want to sink roots in a dictatorial sterile soulless concrete jungle? They offered me Permanent Residentship in 2007, and I threw the letter into the rubbish bin.

-Their women are overhyped gold-digging materialistic trash overcaked in cheap makeup who suck white dick to feel like they’ve achieved something, i.e. total pump-and-dump material who’ll eventually end up spinsters at 40 still looking for a man of “equal income or more” to snatch them up. The men are perpetual losers who are afraid to even talk to Singaporean girls, totally insecure and intimidated around white men, would pay for prostitutes even in their 20s, and would eventually have to settle for third-rate, third-world-ugly mail-order wives from Vietnam, and then proclaim all sorts of post-choice rationalizations like how Vietnamese girls are supposedly more loyal and caring. What sour grapes… Even the SDN/SDU, set up by the fucking government to help Singaporeans LEARN HOW TO DATE (this in itself is a fucking joke), is a fucking flop.

-They have dialects effectively eradicated from their lives, totally cutting them off from any identification with their real ancestral roots and forcing them to pretend that Mandarin is their mother tongue. This “no dialect” policy was supposedly instrumental in ensuring that Singaporeans learn Mandarin well, yet I don’t need to tell you that the average Singaporean not only doesn’t know how to speak dialects or even Malay but also still speaks bad Mandarin and English. Such a shame…

-They have even less freedom of speech than us, and we already have very little. We say all sorts of vile things about Najib all the time, and most of us are still walking freely. Try saying vile things about Lee Kuan Yew… Tip: ask Amos Yee.

Between dealing with ***** Malays and a corrupt government, VERSUS the list of crap above, which would you choose?

Alvin Tan

Photo of Alvin Tan from Facebook
Photo of Alvin Tan from Facebook